So over this whole lockdown I’ve definitely been up and down……then I got poorly.

I knew I was poorly and I was constantly ringing the doctors with something wrong…..I’d just get fobbed off and told it was muscular. I’d never had pain like this from a back ache, long story short I ended up in hospital with a kidney infection.

You know what this has taught me – LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

I knew something was wrong and I should have pushed it, as a result my mental health suffered. I thought I was going crazy and imagining theses pains I was having.

Panic attacks were most definitely not helping the situation, they were far more intense than I have ever ever EVER experienced in my life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, I thought I was dying. These panic attacks were part of my infection too that were making it worse, I’d wake in the night feeling like someone’s pouring acid on me and then I’d starting shaking like mad, not being able to breathe properly, feeling very faint.

It was the most frightening thing I’ve ever experienced in my life…..I was and I still am a little scared to go to sleep. With it only happening in the night it terrifies me – not knowing what’s going to happen, experiencing that on a regular basis is unbearable. I’m lucky I have the people I have in my life, supporting me, dropping everything at the drop of a hat for me. I love my family and friends so much and I don’t know what I’d do with them.

I’ve have started to pick up the past couple of week definitely. I did at one point during all this become terrified of leaving the house, I couldn’t drive or go in my car I felt like I’d lost everything I’d fought so hard to get past…….I am getting there now though, little steps, nipped out a couple of times since and been okay. Drinking plenty of water and coming away from the caffeine , getting back into exercise from this weekend since gyms etc are opening back up.

I want to keep my mental health at its best, to be me, to be confident by looking after myself.

If you are struggling at all, please ask for help, my inbox is always open too if you need someone to talk to. Xx

No I’m not okay. I’ve not wanted to admit it to myself and I’ve been fighting it hard.

It’s becoming a daily occurrence again, crying all the time, scared to be more than 5 minutes away from my house, or to not be close enough to my car so I can escape.

Some days I’ve literally felt like I’m going crazy. Lockdown has brought be back to the beginning of my anxiety journey, I never thought I’d be back here. I’m fed of it, I’m tired of it and I just want it to leave me alone.

On the back of my last post I’ve seen numerous articles – ones like this

https://apple.news/AImSTveW8QKmqJFTwALhI8A

Where psychiatrists are warning of mass mental health problems due to being stuck in because of lockdown. I literally said this on my last post, these are really difficult times. People who have never experienced any type of anxiety are now starting to suffer with it, I personally know a couple of people who are and have said to me – I’ve never really understood it even when you’ve talked about it, till now.

I think the issue is people think your crackers when your telling them what your going through, that your scared to leave your house, having a panic attack whilst washing the dishes, feeling like your going to faint or die by just going to the local shop. No one gets it till it happens to them, people are quick to judge! Just remember to be kind to yourself and others too, talk to someone if you need too – even if they don’t get it, trust me it helps to get it off your chest if there is anything. Have a good cry if you need it!