So over this whole lockdown I’ve definitely been up and down……then I got poorly.

I knew I was poorly and I was constantly ringing the doctors with something wrong…..I’d just get fobbed off and told it was muscular. I’d never had pain like this from a back ache, long story short I ended up in hospital with a kidney infection.

You know what this has taught me – LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

I knew something was wrong and I should have pushed it, as a result my mental health suffered. I thought I was going crazy and imagining theses pains I was having.

Panic attacks were most definitely not helping the situation, they were far more intense than I have ever ever EVER experienced in my life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, I thought I was dying. These panic attacks were part of my infection too that were making it worse, I’d wake in the night feeling like someone’s pouring acid on me and then I’d starting shaking like mad, not being able to breathe properly, feeling very faint.

It was the most frightening thing I’ve ever experienced in my life…..I was and I still am a little scared to go to sleep. With it only happening in the night it terrifies me – not knowing what’s going to happen, experiencing that on a regular basis is unbearable. I’m lucky I have the people I have in my life, supporting me, dropping everything at the drop of a hat for me. I love my family and friends so much and I don’t know what I’d do with them.

I’ve have started to pick up the past couple of week definitely. I did at one point during all this become terrified of leaving the house, I couldn’t drive or go in my car I felt like I’d lost everything I’d fought so hard to get past…….I am getting there now though, little steps, nipped out a couple of times since and been okay. Drinking plenty of water and coming away from the caffeine , getting back into exercise from this weekend since gyms etc are opening back up.

I want to keep my mental health at its best, to be me, to be confident by looking after myself.

If you are struggling at all, please ask for help, my inbox is always open too if you need someone to talk to. Xx