I’m doing another post because I want to talk about how I’m feeling and have it out in the open. I feel like the anxiety is trying to eat it’s way through me to try and take over me once again. I fight it every day and try to ignore it but sometimes it’s overpowering especially when I get the tingling in my head or the horrendous headaches.

So I’ve noticed a new thing (probably not new but I’ve just noticed it) when I start to feel extremely anxious I start to fidget, tuck my hair behind my ears numerous times and I feel like I’m prepping myself to pounce! I’ve gotten lazy with self care recently so it’s back to meditation and maybe yoga here and there as it really did make a difference too my mood.

I had my first night out in probably in nearly 6 months Saturday night, nervous wreck prior to the point I didn’t want to go. I let my hair down and stopped trying to have this controlling nature about me take over, I did karaoke, danced, got drunk and all was fine! I had an amazing night and it’s made me feel more confident about going out again and socialising outside of my home or friends homes! I’d had my make up done and I felt fab for once!

I’ve taken a big step with that and faced it straight on! I’ve still got a bit to go but I’m definitely taking a step in the right direction now and I know I’m not going crazy, everything I’ve been experiencing and maybe you have are just horrible symptoms of anxiety, yes it’s horrible when they come and it feels like it will never end, but it will. Ride it out, don’t fight it I found the more I fought it the worse I felt and the more it stuck around. Now I just go with it and it’s over and done with pretty quickly, if I feel like it’s going to last a little while I tend to lie down and it shifts quicker for me that way.

That’s it for now really, stay strong, don’t rush anything and take one step at a time….

I’ve not done a blog for a little while and that’s mainly because I’ve been a bit busier, I’ve been settling back into work and trying to balance my mental health with it all. Work is going good I’m slowly getting more confident again however I’m occasionally having some physical anxiety symptoms going on in the background my colleagues have been amazing.

Mental health wise I think I’m doing okay, today is probably what I’d refer to as a bad day I guess? The pressure and dizziness in my head it nauseating and nothing appears to settle this. I still feel like I don’t know if it’s actually to do with my rhinitis or if it’s anxiety, stress, migraines or even something else! I do know is I want it to sod off!!! Only thing that sometimes helps is a dark room…..

I’ve been so much more positive though now and don’t find my mind wandering in pointless circles which is fab, the only thing I have noticed is that those things I used to wander about or if anything is on my mind that I’m avoiding are in my dreams. Every single night they are, most of them are really silly things but I still dream about. I’m sure it’ll pass like most of this does, I’d like to know though what are your symptoms of anxiety? Are they physical? How do you manage them?

I did do some new years resolutions which were –

1. Lose weight……usual one but I really need to do this for my health and for my kids, so I’ll be joining slimming world again!
2. Take care of myself
3. Make time for me
4. Get on top of finances
5. Plan our wedding
6. Meditate and do yoga at least twice a week at home.

I am quite disappointed in myself right now as I’ve only really done two of these which is quite poor, I made these easy and achievable resolutions to help myself. So I’m already in my head going slightly backwards as I’m not taking time for me, I’m really going to try going forward though and I’ve made alarms to remind myself to do some of these.

I did however join SlimmingWorld again for the millionth time but I’m more focused now, I’ve got a few reasons to be doing it and I’m more determined than ever. I need to realise that I’ll never loose it if I don’t commit 100%. I hate my body, which then makes me feel rubbish about myself but there’s only me who can do it. I’ve never been skinny and I don’t want to be, I want to be curvy but I want to be healthy. I’ll update in my progress every week or two and hopefully this will have a big improvement on my mental health also.

So I thought I’d do a little post about the new year….happy new year everyone! I hope you all had an amazing evening and I wish you all lots of happiness in 2019. I have plans this year and definitely some good ones, I also have some resolutions, some of which are the typical ones…..So this year I’ve already got plans for birthdays, two holidays one with family and one with my girls. I’ve got planning to do and to get on top of my finances.

1. Lose weight……usual one but I really need to do this for my health and for my kids, so I’ll be joining slimming world again!
2. Take care of myself
3. Make time for me
4. Get on top of finances
5. Plan our wedding
6. Meditate and do yoga at least twice a week at home.

So there are some usual things but the difference is I never actually stick to things, and if the past 6 months have taught me anything is that I need to stick to some sort of plan to keep myself balanced. I’ve got the best support system in place that I can ask for and I’m really lucky to have the people I have in my life.

I’ve done pretty well this past week, I’ve managed going to the pub with friends and I’ve been to a gathering at a friends house. I felt the odd nerves and anxiety has tried to over ride but I’ve just kept calm so my brain doesn’t feel like it’s being wired! So socialising is getting some what better and I’m back at work now so everything is going in the right direction.

I hope you all have an amazing 2019 and make things happen!

^^^^^ it’ll happen 😊