I did nearly have my post ready then WordPress logged me out and deleted it urgh……anyway. I’ve had a really difficult couple of weeks more so this week I’ve found the hardest to deal with. It started off with antibiotics making me throw up violently and then it set off my anxiety right off, then all week I’ve been having panic attacks numerous times a day which last for at least 30 minutes at a time.

I’ve noticed a couple of triggers but I can’t avoid them, I’m going to have to face them every single day no matter how hard it is. The first one is traffic lights – I know that sounds odd, it’s the wait that’s the issue I start getting all panicky when I have to wait and do at times have a panic attack when I’m at them. Another Come back is going into the shop or it appears to be any shop now and waiting in the queue….I can faint and burn up like mad worst feeling ever!

So I’ve now been upped to the maximum on one of my medication and one of their others has been increased dramatically, no change so far…..still having my daily panic attacks numerous times a day. I may take a while to kick in but I sure as hell need it to hurry up!

I can’t appear to focus on anything, have little interest in doing anything and self care has gone straight out of the window. I can’t be bothered getting dressed, washing my hair and styling it, I can’t be bother putting make up on at all. I’m fidgety, I’ll stand in the middle of the living room at times not knowing what I’m doing or wondering what to do. I feel like I’ve come to a halt and I’m not progressing now with my mental health, infact I’m going backwards.

I know in my head somewhere that I will be okay, I just don’t feel like that when I’m having an episode. My thoughts are irrational once it becomes and I can’t control them. Control is probably part of the problem and I need to let go?

So many questions spinning about!

I’ve attempted breathing techniques but that doesn’t work for me because I have issues with my sinuses it just makes me feel ill haha.

So I’ve been advised to try muscle relaxation next which I’m hoping I’ll benefit from and I really hope it works as I can feel my shoulders scrunched up practically all day.

I’m also trying to think about happy memories, look forward to further plans and spend time with my family and friends as much as I can as these people have such a positive impact on my life. I’m really lucky with my circle of friends and family and I know I’m loved ♥️

I’ve got a couple of events coming up soon so I’ll see how I cope with those and not focus on them too much. I need to enjoy life and make the most of it instead of wanting to hide in my house for the rest of my life.

I’m a fighter and I will fight and overcome this, it’s just going to take time but that’s fine.

Panic attacks are horrible, they take over you and you feel helpless.

Some things that help –

• Let them know your there for them

• Be quiet, it may be different with everyone but I find not talking helps so I can focus on trying to get through this attack

• Don’t shout – it makes it worse

• Stay calm – that person needs you to be there for them, you can always ring for help if needs be

• Stay with the person – panic attacks tend to last longer than just a couple of minutes, some of mine have been over 30 minutes

• Distraction – if I’m up for talking distractions are best, talking about favourite film, memories, pets and holidays etc

I know I’ve got people who tend to be around me all the time so I know I’m never alone. Panic attacks have been very frequent this week, practically daily and nearly twice a day in some cases. There appears to be no trigger , I’ve been watching what’s going on around me to see if it’s the surroundings but nothing……only one where it kind of triggered me was last night, George woke us up at 1:30 am and was crying/screaming for over three hours easy. The panic attack came on rapid and I felt like I was going to black out, it was so intense and instantly I had the burning and tingling spreading throughout my body. Trying to block out a screaming tantrum 2 year old early hours in the morning is not easy let me tell you that!

They do end I know that I SO know that, however still it doesn’t feel that way when it happens. Even though you know what’s happening, it’s definitely a heart attack or something else as extreme at the time and it doesn’t matter what anyone says.

When I did my last post after I had a bad attack, I was sat on the sofa watching tv when it began I ended up stood at the door trying to get air. Then I sat on the sofa again gripping the house phone ready to call an ambulance as I was convinced it was a heart attack. When I finally started to settle I went freezing cold and ridiculously tired.

Anyway I was back at the GP on Friday for a review of the medication again, I’ve had this horrible cold everyone had been getting for a month now and it turns out I’ve got a sinus infection AGAIN! Give me a break seriously , I have had some many sinus infections in the past year it’s unreal. It’s the sinus infections that’s started all of this believe it or not. I’m on antibiotics for a week so fingers crossed!

I’m still carrying on with the meditation but I’ve only been doing it when needed. So I need to go back to when I wake up and when I go bed really as that sorted me right out in the past. I also read up today that taking magnesium supplements can really help with anxiety as it’s a natural muscle relaxer and more importantly it’s a nervous system relaxer so it helps with fear, panic, restlessness and much more. I’m not 100% on how accurate it is but I’m willing to give it a go!

Thanks for reading my blog, which sometimes is just a place for me to vent or share my week etc….I’d love to hear your comments if you’ve suffered and how/you are dealing with anxiety/depression/panic attacks.

♥️