So I’ve not posted in quite a few months, I probably need to though….for myself that is. I have started posts and I’ve attached what I have not completed below.

So. As you can see I’ve been kidding myself a little bit by not putting these up, as I have still got stuff on my mind constantly, worrying unnecessarily as usual and I’ve been wondering why it’s been starting again….clocked on that I’ve been forgot to take medication for about a week, so that won’t help. I did one session of a 10 minute meditation this week when I had a minute and it really helped. I just need to stop for 5/10 minutes and take the time for myself and clear my mind and relax my body.

Body image has been a very very big issue for me at the moment and I’m really working on it, it’s making me paranoid, I had a chat with my friends recently and told them the lengths I’m willing to go to and about what and why I feel like I do and they were so so supportive I couldn’t ask for better people in my life.

So it’s just a case of again working on me, I’ve really slacked in the past few weeks and I need to get back on it. I want to make myself feel better so I need to put the time and effort in to do it. It is easy said than done but I have proven from my previous posts than it can be done and I most definitely can do it!

I will not let it take over me, I don’t want to ride it out I want to fight it and I will even if I do have a day where all I want to do is cry that’s fine. Crying makes me actually feel a bit better because I’m letting it all out.

Don’t hold it in and share how your feeling you’ll find it helps.

As the title says it’s back!

The past couple of days I’ve hidden it extremely well from people and didn’t want anyone to know anxiety has hit me right in the face.

So the moment we clocked this was tonight when I went to have a bath to relax my muscles from a class the other day. I started freaking out once in the bath, I felt like someone was trying to choke me or all the air had been sucked out of the room. I thought I was going to pass out in the bath and then I started to panic incase I went under and started to drown…… it goes on a ridiculous downward spiral when you think back to what you was thinking at the time.

I didn’t realise I had been hiding or covering up my attacks till I was lay on the bed crying and my partner chatted to me and told me to talk him. I haven’t been telling him how I’ve been feeling because I don’t want to worry him. Plus I’ve not been doing my blog anymore which I’ve also been ignoring because I’m ignoring myself.

So I had a good little cry and sucked it up for now. Now I’m sat here writing this post up while everything is fresh in my mind and while I’ve got all these stupid thoughts in my head.

I’ve got a couple of things that are bothering me which are not for sharing but they are being dealt with slowly and are in my control. I need to try and switch my brain off from my thoughts and insecurities which is definitely easier said than done! I’ve turned off my Facebook for now to try and get me away from toxic social media, the only one I do look at is Instagram mainly for the stories and that’s it. I feel Facebook is the worst out of them all and makes me feel crap about myself most of the time. Social media makes me feel insecure, it makes me get a little list going of who I want to be/want I want/what I want to get done and it goes on and on.

I’m pretty sure some people will understand what I mean with this, I don’t feel a good of enough person and I already put enough pressure on myself as it is.

Anyway I’ve got a couple of personal things to sort out and once they are sorted then hopefully I’ll get back on track and all the worrying causing my attacks will fade! Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

I’ll try and keep this updated every other day on my ups and downs throughout again. I’m trying so hard to stay positive and I’ve said it before but I’m extremely lucky to have some people in my life who support me.

Hey guys, I’ve not done a post in while mainly because I’ve not really been sure what to talk about and I don’t want to bore you all.

So to update you, I’ve been much better, had the odd couple of attacks that have sprung on me randomly. I’ve been able to manage them much better and found ways of dealing with them, sometimes they are worse than usual and I just have to get to what I call a safe place and I’ll settle soon enough.

My problem is I doubt myself, I don’t have much confidence in myself anymore and I am so paranoid. The paranoia is the worst, I think lots of silly things in my head. If I hear someone laugh I’ll be thinking they are talking about me/laughing about me, when someone sees me I think they are judging me and so on, I can’t appear to turn it off while I try every day to think about what I’m grateful for and what I love about myself it’s hard to flip that switch. So when the paranoia creeps up then the anxiety gets on top of that and then I just want to get home where no one can see me. Also did you know people with anxiety perceive the world differently? Their brain lumps safe and unsafe things together and labels them unsafe

Today I’m having a bad-ish day.

I feel low, lethargic, worried, stressed and I’ve even noticed that all of these have had a physical effect on me. I’ve got a upset stomach, I feel dizzy, sick and self conscious. I did have a couple of triggers through out the day which has probably set me off and now I’m sat dwelling on them. When I’m alone with my thoughts it never tends to be a fun place, I’ll think about thinks that I feel I’m bad at or lacking and the I’ll exaggerate them in my head.

This is why I do this blog and express myself, when I see what I have written I realise how silly I sound. That’s what anxiety does to you though, it exaggerates every thought/feeling you have and makes the a million times worse.

I need to set myself goals again that are easy achievable to keep me motivated and focussed. When I’m focussed I get in a zone and I don’t worry.

Everyone needs to remind themselves what they are grateful for though, I find this helps.

I’m grateful for

1. John and the kids
2. My family
3. Work colleagues
4. Having a roof over my head
5. Love
6. Holidays

Also little things like – I’m grateful that the lady this morning let me pull out in front of her when I was trying to join traffic

I’m grateful that at work customers thank me – this is such a little thing but knowing I have helped someone and they are happy with me makes me happy!

The list could be endless but if you try to think of three to five things a day it really does help. Here is a example I came across any try to use myself –

Worth a try!

I’m trying my hardest to stay positive even when I do feel rubbish. I know for definite social media makes me feel horrendous and I have had a few breaks from it here and there, with another coming up I think as it feeling worse more so recently. However! If started exercising about 2-4 times a week now and my mood is much better than it has been and I really want to carry on and do it for myself, so I can become healthy and fitter person.

I’ll try to update my blog a bit more and keep you all updated 😊