Hi everyone,

I hope you are all okay and managing well in these difficult times.

So I haven’t posted in a while and I thought now would be a good time, with everything that has been going on in the world and plus with mental health awareness coming up next week (18th May – 24th May 2020, UK) its a good time to talk about mental health.

My last post I was going on about our wedding and my 30th birthday and how excited I was, well sadly our wedding has had to be postponed due to Coronavirus and my 30th birthday was spent in lock down. I’ve got to say on the build up to both it was really really hard, I kept having mini melt downs and crying, once they passed I felt better that they were out of the way really, however on the build up and ever since my anxiety has flared back up. It’s mainly due to our current situation, being off work since March and having to stay home. I can not imagine the amount of people in the world who will most likely be feeling the same as me, especially those who have never experienced it before too.

I’m not 100% convinced it is anxiety at times, more so panic disorder as I have panic attacks frequently and with no trigger what so ever. An example is tonight, I was doing some studying and bam panic attack, chest pains, struggling to breathe – which then leads to me thinking I can’t actually breathe and I’ll die……you get the jist. It’s a horrible experience and scary when it’s happening a couple of times a day, it’s not every day so I do have some good days with it. A new one i’ve been experiencing is when I go to bed – I either can’t sleep, or I’ll nod off and hear something (I think) that sounds like someone has broken in or one of the kids have fallen out of the bed…….then sit there have a panic attack, nod off again and repeat all night!

Finding the motivation and strength to do things at the moment is hard, however I keep reminding myself that me and my loved ones are all well and safe and that’s all that matters. I’ve got some new things starting in my life soon and i’m looking forward to those changes!

So with it being mental health awareness week next week – here are some links that I thought would be useful/supportive.

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week/get-involved

https://www.mind.org.uk/get-involved/mental-health-awareness-week/

Hello everyone! I’m back…..

I’ve been writing out posts quite frequently and then never post them. I sometimes do this I’ve noticed when I’m feeling sad , low, depressed, angry and then never actually publish it because I’m scared of what people will think or say.

Life has been a little bit calmer recently but I have had some stresses. I’ve been feeling weird , not good or bad just weird like my mind is in its only little bubble. I saw this picture below and that literally explains it all.

So what’s going on!

I’ve made a big jump and I start studying Psychology and counselling shortly and I’m really excited about it! With what I’ve been through/going through I think it’ll be a amazing opportunity for me, when I’ve finally completed it I can’t wait to help others. I’ve got some very big long terms goals and I intend to achieve them. No ifs no buts!

I’ve just taken on the role of social wellbeing lead at work, everyone knows how passionate I am about mental health and I’m so proud to be apart of this team. To help my colleagues through the whole business is an amazing opportunity I have been given.

We’ve got our wedding coming up very soon too so I’m going to be extremely occupied and hopefully being busy will keep the anxiety and depression at bay.

Then straight after is my 30th birthday and our honeymoon!

So I’ve got a very exciting few months approaching me and I want to try and make the best of it. I have been feeling rubbish, I have started to have panic attacks again and I have started to feel “funny” again, so I need these things to keep me focusing. I may need a good cry now and then, a rant , panic attack however that’s fine….it’s normal and it’s fine if I’m not okay. I will be okay and I’ve got amazing people around me who help so much.

I will try an update my blog a little more again even if it’s just one a month for the time being. As you can see though below…this is what I have been doing.

So no more hiding in my drafts haha I will do more posts when needed rather than hiding everything again!

Love you all!

X

It’s been just over or just about a year now since I had my first full blown panic attack that set me off on the journey I am on with anxiety and panic attacks.

I was in work and it was around 16:45 I started to feel weird all of a sudden, shaky, red hot, sweating, couldn’t breathe, heart rate was increasing and then I was sat in the back office and I was full on having a panic attack. I couldn’t catch my breathe I 100% thought I needed a ambulance. I had to arrange for someone to collect the kids and for someone to come and get me as I was in no way shape or form fit to drive or go home alone. My mother in law came and picked me up and dropped me at home where I was still having this panic attack, crying and hyperventilating. I remember being on the phone to 111 (for those reading this and don’t live in the UK that’s a service by the nhs where they give advice or recommended you see a doctor/emergency care) I was advised to go to the walk in centre so I could see GP.

I had been a little bit poorly in the past with vertigo but it had come back and I had some major stressful events prior to this that had effected me, so all of this bundled up had basically cracked me up and of finally broke.

I was given some medication and the I spent my time at the doctors every couple of days/weeks crying hysterically thinking I was going crazy.

When they said it was anxiety I was 100% convinced they was wrong, I didn’t believe it could be THAT bad, I could not understand how the symptoms and feelings could just be anxiety. So much so I kept going and trying to find a reason for what was wrong with me, I’d been through many routes and in the end I’ve come to accept what it is. It’s taken me at least 6/8 mo this to accept it though, I still occasionally don’t believe it I get stuck in my own head and try to convince myself there is maybe something wrong with my heart or brain (obviously the most extreme things). The slightest pain in my chest or twitch in my arm I’d be thinking I was having a stroke or a heart attack, then I’d be sat there thinking is this what it feels like? Am I having one? How do I know? And so on, you can see I spiral out of control with my thoughts…..

I’ve had some counselling which helped so much and if anyone has the opportunity to receive counselling face to face take it! It’s fantastic yeah it may not be for everyone but it’s made me discover some things about myself and helped identify the cause of my anxiety. It’s most likely always been there a little while but Everything has to come out eventually. If you get offered this please take the help, take any help at all that you are given! You are not alone on this, Appropriately 1 in 6 people in the uk have anxiety and or depression, so don’t sit and dwell on everything seek help and start your healing process and start your journey.

I’ve had some fantastic support while this has all been going on, I just want to remind people though because I may ‘look’ better doesn’t always mean I am. Also to not forget anxiety does not tend to go away……in my scenario I most definitely take things that are said to me the wrong way at times and really take it too heart.

This is the type of person I am anyway. I’m self conscious, I am slightly sensitive, I do have a little ocd with things, I will always but others before myself and I tend to find it very difficult to say NO….this is my next thing I need to learn how to say NO – to people and not accept everything. You need to do what is best for you! You need to look after yourself and yes that does mean sometimes being a bit selfish. Unfortunately there are people in life that will take you for granted and expect you to always say yes.

Look after yourself