I thought I should do a post today since it’s works mental health day. I’m going to go over how I began with anxiety/panic disorder.

When this all began I started to feel weird, I noticed this mainly when I was in a queue, I felt like I was going dizzy and was going to pass out. I’d had numerous trips to the doctors and at the time they said I had sinusitis then Labyrinthitis….

Then came the tipping point I was in the back office at work doing the days banking, I started to feel really odd. I was getting extremely warm then I noticed my heart rate was quite high as I had a Fitbit on at the time, I felt faint and was shaking uncontrollably, then I was just crying hysterically. One of the girls at work stayed with me and looked after me as I had to get my mother in law to pick me up as I couldn’t drive and had to leave my car at work, which they later collected and brought home for me. Whilst that’s going on my dad went with me to the walk in centre to get checked over.

I saw a lovely doctor and she did a lot of checks, they thought it was vertigo mainly….My dad was not fully convinced and neither was I, however I had never expereinced anything like it before. As the days went on some days were better than others and I spent the majority of the time lying on the sofa crying wondering what was wrong with me, I spent every other day on the phone with my doctor and they finally gave me some medication for anxiety and depression. I was having hot flashes, struggling to breathe, chest pains, pins and needles all over, facial numbness and tremors. I was sure it wasn’t that, I was convinced it was something physical and not mental.

I soon learnt it was mental health rather than physical health, I was having panic attacks all the time and it would ruin my day. My panic attacks didn’t just last 20 minutes they would last hours, they drained me of energy and I was tired all the time. I remember having a home visit from work and I just cried talking about it, telling them how I’d been and how I felt was scary! I’m a mother to two children and I couldn’t even manage leaving my house, I felt like a failure and to me I was a failure. I worst the worst person, parent and partner and felt like I’d broken as a person.

I remember me and my partner were going to a friends wedding during this and I was that scared of feeling how I’ve been feeling, I checked how far the hospital was….just incase I needed medical attention.

I did have a trigger but it’s something I can not openly talk about but it was awful and I thought I was okay and I really wasn’t.

Now pretty much two years on I thought I’d recovered, I thought I knew best and didn’t need medication or therapy. Now today I’m back on medication and awaiting therapy again, slightly different this time round. I kept getting poorly during COVID lockdown and I was having the worst panic attacks I wouldn’t even wish in my worst enemy, these panic attacks made me have a couple of visits to A & E.

Now though I’m feeling much better now I’m on medication again, I’m not fully there as I’m still staying within my comfort zone. Supermarkets send me over the edge and being to far away from home makes me feel physically sick! I’ve been out a few times though to the pub and got drunk and felt great, down side is that the hangover sets my anxiety off for days and days and has come to the point now where I’m debating no longer drinking whatsoever.

So that’s pretty much my story, in brief anyway. I thought I’d recap and share what happened and how this all started, especially for those who are only just reading my blog.

So through all the doom and gloom so good stuff happened!

New job and started a degree last year!

Not so good – COVID 💩 losing a grandparent and having to reschedule our wedding twice because of it too!

So speak up, talk to a partner/friend/family member, seek help ❤️